WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
try to milk me bitch
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize