dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
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