We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Randomize