I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Lo siento on account of my penis...
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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