So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
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