this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Randomize
