I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize
