Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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