Whatcha textin bout Willis?
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
