Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Randomize
