I'm so fucking centered right now
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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