Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
