Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Randomize
