I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
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