The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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