i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
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