Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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