took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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