Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
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