just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
