That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
