You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
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