Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
