Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize