her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Randomize
