Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
