time to smoke my breakfast
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
