ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
