o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
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