12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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