i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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