There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
