You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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