it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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