I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
