At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Randomize
