and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
