i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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