Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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