the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
