hell yes lets make some ravioli
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
