He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
