My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
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