Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
I take back everything I said about communal showers
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Randomize
