Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Randomize
