I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Randomize