loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
