I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Randomize
