So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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