The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
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