names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
