I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
