9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
