She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
