I will die if light touches me.
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
