i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Randomize
