every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Randomize
