had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
