Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Randomize
