That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Randomize
