she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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