What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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