We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
it's not cheating when I paid for it
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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