Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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