I want to walk on stilts...naked
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
