I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
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