i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
I wish you could order shots online.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Randomize
