I just saw a hot homeless man
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
He keeps bees of course he's weird
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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