nut hugger
I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Randomize
