And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Randomize