I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
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