What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize