alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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