I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Randomize
