If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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