I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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