Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Randomize
