Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
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