peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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