You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
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