Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
