isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
