youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Randomize
