party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Brb crying the tears of my youth
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Can't talk, ducks in the car
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
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