Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Randomize
