tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
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