You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
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