I feel like abortions should bother me more
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Randomize
