I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Randomize