I must be too annoying 4 u.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Randomize