trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
