It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Randomize
