I accidentally had phone sex last night
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
