Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
