Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Randomize
