The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
I will die if light touches me.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Randomize
