Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
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