I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Randomize
