No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
this must be what syphilis tastes like
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Randomize
