go do what you do best...puke behind churches
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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