I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Randomize
