If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
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