saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
