I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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