Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize