i barfeds in our rink
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
