At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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