I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Randomize
