so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
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