shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
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